How faithful to speak!

We are on this journey thru this new season, and sometimes I don't know what is around the next corner, and where this might have caused me stress another day, in the day of today... I worry not- for He WILL keep in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Him!- I have always believed this, and I can only speak for myself, that throughout this Christian experience, my mind is on HIM most 24/7. There have been times however, no matter how much my desired purpose was to stay on Him, it strayed into doubt, or uncertainty- but I would always come back, praying, praising, asking for guidance, worshiping, believing, and trusting- ALWAYS trusting for I knew Him to be faithful, where I might be found faithless- My God KNOWS me! He knows my heart- he knows my thoughts, he knows ME.
Anyway today I was actually encouraged by Him in the most unusual way- while reading a fiction book, the words spoke to that place where his voice echoes within...What? it cannot be!, but I know that if he can speak thru a donkey, he can certainly speak thru a book
"you chose amid doubts the path that seemed right, the choice was just... Your next journey will be marked by your given word." (jr.r, tolkien)
Now do I know what this all means... nope...but I am assured that this journey is the right thing we are supposed to do right now, maybe I won't ever know the why's, or the impact on others...it doesn't matter in the end. I know that I know that today I am where I am supposed to be, and pray that I can be all that I am supposed to be today. We are only granted the moments, and I want to relish in THIS moment- not regrets, not future plans- but this moment of today, side by side with Him... listening for the whispers (and yes there have been a few!)
And on a side note..watching my husband learn to relax is good too! Time spent with my sister and brother in law was good, Very Good- he and Ken probably spent time commiserating together about their similar wives! but I also know they had a number of laughs- though not at the expense of any person! and he blessed them with a feast on the last night, one they will eat for a few days!
We are looking forward to our final destination, but are planning a few stops along the way. He is learning to relax too, but Most importantly for the last two days he and his childhood friend have laughed til their sides ache and I honestly think they will probably do this for days! How good it is for his health!
Please continue to keep us in your prayers.

Season change

During worship tonight I had a memory vision of walking through a department store- it was 23 years ago, and I was struggling in a valley and was using this shopping excursion (with my then 16 yr old) as an diversion. As we walked by the perfume counter one of us decided to try on some different scents- I walked out that day with my first bottle of good perfume, and wore it for 23 years! It became the signature smell of me- mom, gramma, friend, sister, wife. My children would tell me that when they rode in my car, they got the instant thought of me, since my scent was on the seat belt.
Fast Forward to Christmas 2008- my husband finally tells me he never liked my perfume... and bought me a new one. The new fragrance was nice, it resembled another fragrance I was familiar with, but it was different- and though I would use this new perfume -often... It wasn't me...except tonight, Oct 2, 2009... when I put it on I smiled, - odd feelings, like this was me now... I was comfortable with it, sort of like warm fuzzy feelings you get when you smell the whiff of autumn, hear the crunch of your shoes walking through dried fallen leaves or other such memories of comfort.
So then, tonight at church... after this memory vision during worship.. I realize that this vision is to remind me that who I was yesterday, my comfortable places of yesterday are vanishing,and I have been and am transitioning into this new season ...whatever that all means. One thing I am certain of is that it is a closer place with my husband, and that is good... really good. Oh he hasn't really changed, maybe mellowed out a bit..but we have grown close, and have the good sense to laugh at ourselves even in disagreements.
Anyway on to tonight... the visiting Preacher man gives his message- and boom... did it speak to me!, My last 15 years... became very clear in hindsight, not to mention what the Lord has impressed upon me this last year- getting my finances in order, leaving my position at work, and all that has been between He and I especially these last few years...It made sense , answers , understanding and things that I was having a hard time letting go....I needed to let go, let it ALL go... and move on- that is good. Confirmation..wow

I also realized that while I was recognizing truth as it lined up with my personal walk with the Lord- there were others who have watched from a distance- probably with their binoculars, stained with second hand information- who have absolutely no idea of where my heart is or where it has been, where my walk is or where it has been, and they , well meaning of course, I have no doubt they love me though they stay miles away.... they could potentially have completely different take on this whole thing. And that is sad, very sad... but that too I shall let go and move on

Changes...

Okay for those of you that expect some spiritual exhortation from me today...you will be disappointed... these are the facts.. down to earth plain facts:
10 or 20 years ago Monday nights you would find me with my teeth set on edge at 7pm. Why? because of Monday night FOOTBALL- Saturdays and Sundays already made for lonely times and by Monday night I was tired of being the one who had to give up TV ..one ..more.. time!!!(not to mention the fact that I HATED football!)
Early in our marriage I tried to watch it with Bruce... but I was never exposed to the game until I was in my 20's...and I did not understand it. It was a big jumble for me. Over the years my boys got into watching the games too, and even some of the females in the fam would sit and watch, and they would even dialog with the men??? I still understood nothing! I wanted to, Bruce tried here or there- as these grown men would call out numbers, some running to and fro, then BAM! they would start smacking into each other, and goodness knows I could hardly follow the ball, much less watch what a 'tight end' did..besides by the time they ended up on top of each other it looked like...well never mind... lets just say they all looked alike from the backside.
Living in smaller quarters has been good for us. I liked having the cozier atmosphere, but it does come with the fact that the football, and other sports stuff...were going to be right in my face especially with this large screen TV- added to that the fact that Bruce has lost some of his hearing abilities (yes- probably due to that LOUD music he listened to as a teen, young adult) I was exposed to the SOUND in EVERY ROOM. SOOOOO I knew I had to just ...accept it... couldn't change it- it was just a fact...came with the territory... and I could either be miserable and stomp my feet demanding that- I (ME) - I get heard, that my life be made more comfortable OR I just yield to the inevitable and trust that my God could help me through.
I thought no more about it... and a couple of weeks ago I realized that while I was sewing (and my sewing room is right off the living room) I found I was following the game, asking questions and every once in a while standing up to see what was going on...??? hummm I found not one irritating thought or feeling in my person...wow.. HE did it again!!! HE changed ME (when I finally just yielded) and he didn't change him.. humph.... go figure... I guess my ideas aren't always necessarily the RIGHT ones.
Well that is it...one small moment in our lives...

Things I am learning and/or remembering

• In a house with a baby, who is toddling- toilet paper that rolls to the outside is an invitation to have fun.
• People still surprise me: both good and not so good,( though the reasons are best kept to myself)
• Peek a boo never grows old
• Toys picked up while child is resting become new when they awake
• Babies learning to walk like to have an environment they can walk around..object to object (If it isn't there naturally they will gravitate around the room perimeter and there in lies all those wires and stuff..those NO's)
• you can't say "I love you" enough
• I love you's need to be said and, there should be some demonstation too
  
• Everyone needs to feel loved, important, needed and praised!
  
• We don't need to say everything that we are thinking
• Playing as a child is liberating
• breakfast is good morning, noon and night!
• once you've tasted the REAL stuff, those prepared meals in a jar are disgusting!
• An air mattress really can be comfortable with the air leaking out, if only you can find the middle and it envelopes you
• Leaving a faucet pushed back out of the way and (oops) left on with a tiny little stream on can do quite a bit of flooding in 45min
• My family rules are not necessarily someone else's
• small accomplishments are to be praised
• Babies are squishy, and give really wet kisses- on your lips or your toes!!
• God is Good! He is Alive! and He is Working in ways that are not my ways!
• OH Yes! If you are sleeping in a room 10month baby be prepared for the excitement everytime her eyes open and she sees you lying on the bed next to her (and I am not foolish enough to think that bringing her over to me will allow me a few extra minutes of sleep)
  

Time out for a while

Spending some good time in Texas watching a grandbaby ..so time out from blogging until time opens up

The times were changing

(still in history mode-)
In those early days I realized that it would have been easy to live in the land of yester-years- where offense and lack of relationship built walls of defense. The protection of my heart truly wanted to stay in the safe area.
The good news is that during all those same years God had been working on my heart, and the principles of emotional health, and hearts' freedom were seared in my soul and spirit. My deceitful heart wanted to hide, but Wisdom whispered to forgive, move forward, listen and learn.

So my adventure began- little by little day by day I allowed LOVE work its miracle power. My husband became attentive to all my needs when I came home... he served me dinner EVERY single night. If I wanted a drink of water- he told me to sit...and he would get it. I won't tell you it was all rosy, or that the food was great- it definitely wasn't. He had taken over the grocery shopping, and chose to purchase prepared food items for dinner. He also was clueless as to portion sizes!
But.... he served me- this man was treating me with honor- and of course still making silly comments, or doing silly things that would make me laugh- and I was learning- learning to enjoy my time with him, learning to laugh, and learning to relax.

He thought... I thought...

First- some history:
7 (or so)years ago my husband started these glorious WELCOME years of retirement.
This wonderful, faithful man went to work in a job he absolutely hated for over 30 years. In 1970, as a college graduate (degrees in Biology and Chemistry) he took a position as a computer systems analyst- thinking 'this will only be temporary!' He dreamed of working in wildlife management, or in the fisheries, or something along those lines...but there weren't many of job opportunities out there.
So in order to make a living for his growing family ( I was pregnant and not working in the nursing field yet) he took this interesting titled job in a field that was clearly new. He got on the job training for this MONSTER computer that took of an entire floor of his building. There were a couple of opportunities in his desired fields here and there. He applied for those jobs the first few years- but nothing promised anything more than temporary position. One interviewer did give a verbal promise of a long term position ...when the temporary position expired...but because it wasn't in writing, and my husband did not want to risk the security of the current job. (Anyone remember the Recession in the 70's?) Before too long the days, turned to years, and although he loved most of the people he worked with, his job was drudgery. So...when the opportunity came to retire early he JUMPED AT IT! and with my blessings- he really DID deserve it.

HE THOUGHT that life as a retiree was going to be pure bliss...get up when he wanted, go to bed when he wanted, basically do what he wanted, WHEN he wanted.

Me? I thought that he would tackle those things around the house that needed to be completed, ("to do list"), maybe take on the laundry, maybe learn to cook, DO SOME DISHES ?!!! keep up the yard.. you know lessen MY burden since I continued to work as a nurse, and came home tired.

Pretty early on I realized that he MISSED human contact! Every night I would get home, and the moment I walked in the door to the moment I went to bed- he chatted- I mean HE CHATTED!!! I thought I would go crazy! I yearned for some peace and quiet and quickly realized that I could find some quiet time as I bowed out to do the laundry, or do the dishes ( no -he never did take to doing these things!)
After over 30 years of having a non communicative husband, suddenly I was dealing with this man who I didn't know! He would joke ALL the time, giggle at me- make me angry of course- and I realized that this was the lost man- the man I knew 30+ years ago, the humor that I fell in love with- and where the Heck had he been?!!! could I REALLY live through this?? Thank goodness I was still working!!!!
I figured out then that this would take an effort on my part- he was ready to play! A wise woman once said "Take the boy out of the man, and you lose the man" (Faith Dodge- in the 1980's) I wasn't really sure if I could walk this out.
I then realized that his place of employment had taken the best part of my husband for years- I got the left over stuff - in the evening, when he was tired, when he just wanted to unwind from the office politics and stress of the job... I got the quiet, and I spent my lifetime dealing with it, and praying for a change.
NOW here was my answer! and it was pretty uncomfortable!!! and I had to Thank The Lord for answered prayer! ( I realize too that GOD HAS a sense of humor) and it wasn't easy- but I have been learning along the way!