Thought I would jot down some of my thoughts lately. I have never been one to be internally concerned about aging- my theory is that it is just part of life- move on! For some reason this past month I have been plagued by recurring thoughts of getting older. Perhaps it was the fact that we had to move my mother in law in an assisted living facility, or that the doctor told me I had early cataracts, my recent illness (and meds) or my joking spouse saying we are "NOT middle aged any longer, but are OLD now!"- regardless the thoughts have plagued me, and I have found myself in an emotional place that I haven't frequented in YEARS... and I didn't like it.
So I took myself by the boot straps and said- "shake yourself off! and move on!" So I am.
It is a reality that my mother, father and brother passed away in their 70's- and when I realized that my oldest granddaughter has already lived more years than how many years before I am the age they were upon death!!! OH! UGH!- I admit- I stood still for a bit and looked at it.. grieved a bit with the knowledge! BUT my parent's smoked heavily, and I don't. Also most of our relatives that didn't smoke (or smoked for only a couple of years) lived to be in their 90's plus! They didn't all eat the 'healthy' way our society screams about either. But they did live and made efforts to continue to be a productive person in their environment. Now my brother- though he might have smoked a few years while in the service, he lived the HEALTHY way of life- he was active, watched what he ate, and said what he thought! Lung Cancer was found by accident- why he got it? unlucky... who knows..but I was reminded that while my brother's children looked at their dad with bleak diagnosis- he fought, and returned to a very active life, making a difference where he could and lived for 2 full years- In the middle of those 2 years their healthy mother, 20 years my brother's junior was killed suddenly in a plane crash- would she have lived differently if she knew the end was around the corner?
I AM reminded that life is short- we are here one minute, and gone the next. People die every day, and even those who have all the fame,power, and money - they too cannot add a day to their life that hasn't been given to them by a Loving Father. None of us get out of this world alive, and none of us are guaranteed our tomorrows....
so today as I read Jabez's prayer (1 chronicles 4:10)- I read it for me, asking God that He would bless me indeed, and to enlarge my borders specifically my vision, wisdom, creativity.(and how to share that with others)... and that His hand would be with me, keeping me from evil, and that I would NOT cause pain to another.
So to those who love me and wondered why I was a bit out of sorts- thanks for bearing with me! I have faith for a good tomorrow- no matter what the day brings! I know that I know that the strength I need for the moments WILL be there!