Friday, October 23, 2009

How faithful to speak!

We are on this journey thru this new season, and sometimes I don't know what is around the next corner, and where this might have caused me stress another day, in the day of today... I worry not- for He WILL keep in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Him!- I have always believed this, and I can only speak for myself, that throughout this Christian experience, my mind is on HIM most 24/7. There have been times however, no matter how much my desired purpose was to stay on Him, it strayed into doubt, or uncertainty- but I would always come back, praying, praising, asking for guidance, worshiping, believing, and trusting- ALWAYS trusting for I knew Him to be faithful, where I might be found faithless- My God KNOWS me! He knows my heart- he knows my thoughts, he knows ME.
Anyway today I was actually encouraged by Him in the most unusual way- while reading a fiction book, the words spoke to that place where his voice echoes within...What? it cannot be!, but I know that if he can speak thru a donkey, he can certainly speak thru a book
"you chose amid doubts the path that seemed right, the choice was just... Your next journey will be marked by your given word." (jr.r, tolkien)
Now do I know what this all means... nope...but I am assured that this journey is the right thing we are supposed to do right now, maybe I won't ever know the why's, or the impact on doesn't matter in the end. I know that I know that today I am where I am supposed to be, and pray that I can be all that I am supposed to be today. We are only granted the moments, and I want to relish in THIS moment- not regrets, not future plans- but this moment of today, side by side with Him... listening for the whispers (and yes there have been a few!)
And on a side note..watching my husband learn to relax is good too! Time spent with my sister and brother in law was good, Very Good- he and Ken probably spent time commiserating together about their similar wives! but I also know they had a number of laughs- though not at the expense of any person! and he blessed them with a feast on the last night, one they will eat for a few days!
We are looking forward to our final destination, but are planning a few stops along the way. He is learning to relax too, but Most importantly for the last two days he and his childhood friend have laughed til their sides ache and I honestly think they will probably do this for days! How good it is for his health!
Please continue to keep us in your prayers.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Season change

During worship tonight I had a memory vision of walking through a department store- it was 23 years ago, and I was struggling in a valley and was using this shopping excursion (with my then 16 yr old) as an diversion. As we walked by the perfume counter one of us decided to try on some different scents- I walked out that day with my first bottle of good perfume, and wore it for 23 years! It became the signature smell of me- mom, gramma, friend, sister, wife. My children would tell me that when they rode in my car, they got the instant thought of me, since my scent was on the seat belt.
Fast Forward to Christmas 2008- my husband finally tells me he never liked my perfume... and bought me a new one. The new fragrance was nice, it resembled another fragrance I was familiar with, but it was different- and though I would use this new perfume -often... It wasn't me...except tonight, Oct 2, 2009... when I put it on I smiled, - odd feelings, like this was me now... I was comfortable with it, sort of like warm fuzzy feelings you get when you smell the whiff of autumn, hear the crunch of your shoes walking through dried fallen leaves or other such memories of comfort.
So then, tonight at church... after this memory vision during worship.. I realize that this vision is to remind me that who I was yesterday, my comfortable places of yesterday are vanishing,and I have been and am transitioning into this new season ...whatever that all means. One thing I am certain of is that it is a closer place with my husband, and that is good... really good. Oh he hasn't really changed, maybe mellowed out a bit..but we have grown close, and have the good sense to laugh at ourselves even in disagreements.
Anyway on to tonight... the visiting Preacher man gives his message- and boom... did it speak to me!, My last 15 years... became very clear in hindsight, not to mention what the Lord has impressed upon me this last year- getting my finances in order, leaving my position at work, and all that has been between He and I especially these last few years...It made sense , answers , understanding and things that I was having a hard time letting go....I needed to let go, let it ALL go... and move on- that is good.

I also realized that while I was recognizing truth as it lined up with my personal walk with the Lord- there were others who have watched from a distance- probably with their binoculars, stained with second hand information- who have absolutely no idea of where my heart is or where it has been, where my walk is or where it has been, and they , well meaning of course, I have no doubt they love me though they stay miles away.... they could potentially have completely different take on this whole thing. And that is sad, very sad... but that too I shall let go and move on