Who am I?

I am who I was, only now a few years older- a friend of my sisters, the little red vase reminds me each morning of their love










I love tea and roses- though not in that order









my mom's daughter- her memory lingers on- fishing on the reservoir , a woman once young, an early home long forgotten









Inspired by colors,
Heart warmed by family and friends neither of them believe me when "I say I see you almost every single day!"











a mom who remembers little hugs, and little hands- then tears touch my eyes- I need to focus on today- and not was once was













I AM A child of God, saved by Grace and lost in His Love! Bathing me in the newness of each morning- I breathe the echoes of his plan for today and know it is good!

A time for every season

Thought I would jot down some of my thoughts lately. I have never been one to be internally concerned about aging- my theory is that it is just part of life- move on! For some reason this past month I have been plagued by recurring thoughts of getting older. Perhaps it was the fact that we had to move my mother in law in an assisted living facility, or that the doctor told me I had early cataracts, my recent illness (and meds) or my joking spouse saying we are "NOT middle aged any longer, but are OLD now!"- regardless the thoughts have plagued me, and I have found myself in an emotional place that I haven't frequented in YEARS... and I didn't like it.
So I took myself by the boot straps and said- "shake yourself off! and move on!" So I am.
It is a reality that my mother, father and brother passed away in their 70's- and when I realized that my oldest granddaughter has already lived more years than how many years before I am the age they were upon death!!! OH! UGH!- I admit- I stood still for a bit and looked at it.. grieved a bit with the knowledge! BUT my parent's smoked heavily, and I don't. Also most of our relatives that didn't smoke (or smoked for only a couple of years) lived to be in their 90's plus! They didn't all eat the 'healthy' way our society screams about either. But they did live and made efforts to continue to be a productive person in their environment. Now my brother- though he might have smoked a few years while in the service, he lived the HEALTHY way of life- he was active, watched what he ate, and said what he thought! Lung Cancer was found by accident- why he got it? unlucky... who knows..but I was reminded that while my brother's children looked at their dad with bleak diagnosis- he fought, and returned to a very active life, making a difference where he could and lived for 2 full years- In the middle of those 2 years their healthy mother, 20 years my brother's junior was killed suddenly in a plane crash- would she have lived differently if she knew the end was around the corner?
I AM reminded that life is short- we are here one minute, and gone the next. People die every day, and even those who have all the fame,power, and money - they too cannot add a day to their life that hasn't been given to them by a Loving Father. None of us get out of this world alive, and none of us are guaranteed our tomorrows....
so today as I read Jabez's prayer (1 chronicles 4:10)- I read it for me, asking God that He would bless me indeed, and to enlarge my borders specifically my vision, wisdom, creativity.(and how to share that with others)... and that His hand would be with me, keeping me from evil, and that I would NOT cause pain to another.
So to those who love me and wondered why I was a bit out of sorts- thanks for bearing with me! I have faith for a good tomorrow- no matter what the day brings! I know that I know that the strength I need for the moments WILL be there!

Musings

The house is quiet with echoes of "Poppa! Poppa!" ringing in the room. Suitcases gone, pack and play empty, Mac computer gone, no bright smiles to greet my morning tea.This though is life and I want more than anything for my children to move on, to grasp hold of the hope of the future, having vision and courage to step out and meet their destiny. It isn't always easy for a parent to let their children go- but my heart knows its right- their future, their lives are in the hands of one mightier than I, one who loves them more than I, and one who wants them to know all that He has planned for them- good and not bad. We are only graced with them for such a short time, we watch them crawl, then walk, and before we know it they are running. If we look carefully we can watch wings develop, and before we know it they are running to catch the wind so they can fly and soar with the breeze taking them to new heights- heights we cannot bring them to.
Oh they might come crashing down on wings made of paper, but we know how to encourage them to use the wings He is creating, and what a pleasure to see them soar again- on His wings of Love.
God Grant me the wisdom and the strength to continue to encourage all of them to soar and go places without me- to find the destiny of their lives fulfilled in your plans. Grant me peace in staying behind and watching them move on.

Things i wished my Ortho told me

She had been complaining about her foot hurting, so why was she limping with her knee locked? Then I remembered we ALL do it- we silly human beings tend to compensate for pain- its normal. Abdominal pain? Knees come up, or we bend over to help relieve our discomfort. Sometimes we overcompensate- like locking our knee when our foot hurts- oh well. Let me go back to my original statement-"Things I wish my Ortho had told me!"
I have had knee pain or knee problems for years. Over the years I knew that my ever increasing weight did nothing but add to my problems, but I didn't know how I was increasingly compensating for my pain.
1. When you are walking in chronic pain- you will compensate by using other muscles- and risk inflammation of supporting ligaments, and muscles in your hips, knees, feet, and back. Remind us of this- offer suggestions of how to deal with keeping active (like remind us to remember to walk with our shoulders over our hips, not with our upper body out in front trying to pull the rest of the body forward)
2. PT is not always the answer- some people have a problem with overdoing it, and not knowing when pain says 'stop doing that' Water Therapy is something that alot of us can do without causing more problems.
3. With increasing pain and with each passing year, you run the risk of losing your core muscle strength- recommend taking Pilates classes- or something that works at maintaining your core muscle strength
4. When it hurts like heck to stand up and walk, it is not unusual for us to hold our breath for the first few steps until we can get into a rhythm and walk with tolerable pain. This eventually leads to shallow breathing- we need to practice deep breathing (something Pilates will also help with )
5. Stretching- is important...when we are in pain, especially with knee pain, our compensating may lead to partial weight bearing, and then to a contracture in the knee, because we don't put full weight in the normal walking posture- which will make for problems when we get our total knee.
6. When we are in chronic pain, we don't always know how to ask for something to help us deal with it- ask how our pain is being helped. If we are taking only over the counter meds, remind us:
what normal 24 hour dosage is,
to take at least 8 oz of water with ibuprofen.
what the long term complications can be from taking these meds.
7. Don't just tell us to "lose wt" - have someone on your staff to work with us to see where the problems are- is it just diet?, or exercise? or does stress play a factor?
8. After total knee surgery, you will need to get new walking shoes. (not immediately but when you start to resume a pretty normal life). Those walking shoes you had before surgery wore according to your compensating gait and weight distribution- things change when you have no pain.

I guess after it is all said and done- we all want to be healthy, and not just a number with a complaint , and I think experiences at our Orthopedic doctor offices can be improved to help us improve our state of well being.

A new year! A new decade! A new season!

as i look in the past year, the past 10 years and the past 60 years i am content to let it all go; but first a brief glimpse
a year of pleasure, of family and love- lots of love! esp from the little people- of fun, of hope, of people that don't include me, and people that do, of sorrows, and joy, of roadtrips, and airplane trips, of health and some sickness, of laughter, of anger, of offenses, of words unspoken, of words spoken too much, of forgiveness,of grace,of releasing a thing or two,
of changing of my days, of the dawn of retiring, the dawn of the days of a different season.
10 years holds the same, only on a much grander scale... more family, more friends were gathered and a few let go... i hoped for my hiking days to would increase with the years, but symba and those trails went along with my tears...... of learning to live without family and friends near, and finding a friend and a protector right by my side, ..... new countries, new family members, new living quarters 5 times!...(and i think now final).... finding a chef in the house...now that is good!
upon reflection-now i see, and know that sometimes i struggle with so much...and it is all needless.
while i wonder about my absence from other people's minds, i am blessed with some memories and pictures too, and then i am tempered with wisdom by one full of grace- to trust it ALL to HIM- he knows my past, he knows my future, and best of all he holds me in his hand! and i trust him.!! i have to trust him,
he is all i have, all i want, and all i need-
he is wisdom- for a word spoken in season
he is strength for a weariness unspoken
he is laughter in the heart of this child
he is truth
he is balm to my aching bones
he is my source
he is my hope
he is the whisper of love when i need it the most
he is always faithful
he is my friend
he is my sight, when nearsightedness blinds me
he is the light in the grey of winter
he is... and because he is then I can trust him with you and yours!